Going to Rehab: You Know You’re an Athletic Trainer If..

August 24, 2012

Making its second appearance on the blog, I’m bringing back “Going to Rehab.” This will allow me to talk about anything sports medicine (as if I don’t anyway!). These are more issues that I see in athletic training and how it pertains to everyday athletic healthcare.

This is something that has floated around the internet for awhile. We can always use a little fun 🙂

1. You realize that skin lube is the best Chap Stick known to man.
2. You never see the sun because you go to work before it rises and don’t leave the office until way after it sets.
3. You are so bored in between freshman and JV football games that you and another athletic trainer start talking about which types of Band-Aids you like the best.
4. You understand all of these jokes and are going to send them to all your athletic trainer friends and all the dumb jocks.
5. Your first answer for treatment is “ice” and last answer/ comment is “don’t forget to ice”.
6. When you have “pain off” and tape in your purse.
7. When you go on a trip over night and you pack everything you need for any situation and have left no room for your clothes.
8. When the athletic training room has become your workspace, bedroom, changing area, dinning area.
9. If someone needs to find you they start in the athletic training room first!
10. You forget what is in style. Because to you khaki and a polo is your everyday outfit!
11. You have keys to all the athletic training sites on campus next to your house key.
12. You do your laundry, your homework, and your working out in the athletic training room instead of going home.
13. Your friends/family come to you to see if you think they should go to the doctor when they hurt themselves.
14. Your solution to every problem is either tape it or put ice on it
15. You call all the athletes by their last names and have to think twice when they’re referred to by their first name
16. Your winter break plans depend on whether or not your team is going to a bowl game or not.
17. Your family/friends can call you at 5 a.m. and know that they’re not waking you up.
18. You know the ambulance drivers by name and socialize with them at every athletic event…just to say hi.
19. You have a pair of khakis in the car…just in case.
20. You know how many football players you can fit into your car while they have their pads on
21. You have more OTC medications than the local gas station.
22. You know the athletic schedule better than your class schedule.
23. You finish wrapping your Christmas presents with athletic tape and a bow made out of pre-wrap.
24. When you use athletic tape as packing tape.
25. Supper time is after 7:30pm
26. When someone says they are “taking a lunch break”, you have no idea what they are talking about.
27. You cook beefaroni on the same hot plate to mold mouth guards.
28. You watch your athletes work out more than you do, then count that as your own workout
29. You analyze other people’s gait patterns while walking around.
30. You have all the needed items in your room/apartment to tape an ankle.
31. Nasty feet don’t even faze you.
32. When one of your athletes or a coach asks if you even went home the night before.
33. You have permanent tan lines from 2-a-days.
34. You drive the golf cart more than your own car.
35. You can sleep 101 different ways on a bus.
36. You hear the word “water” and cringe.
37. You know people by their injury, not their names.
38. You use pre-wrap as hair ties
39. You use a tongue depressor to eat your lunch
40. You have a pile of gauze and gloves on top of your dresser at home.
41. When you get sun poisoning from watching a double header.
42. When you cry when your thumb nail breaks, and you can’t rip tape for the next week
43. When your cell phone has 5 local ambulance numbers stored in it
44. You have more rolls of white tape in your car then change for gas.
45. When your wardrobe consists of mostly khakis, polos, and other stuff with your schools logo
46. You believe the athletic training room should be equipped with an ibuprofen salt lick.
47. You find humor in other peoples stupidity.
48. You want to slap the next person that says, “Must be nice having all those holidays, spring break, and summers off?”
49. You think Snickers and Dr Pepper are each a food group.
50. When you mention vegetables you are not talking about a food group.
51. You think shallow gene pool should have its own box to check on an injury report form.
52. You have no time for a life from August to June.
53. You wonder how some parents ever managed to reproduce.
54. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into private schools or home schooling.
55. You’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who wouldn’t dream of doing your job.
56. You can’t have children of your own because there is no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you hear it.
57. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
58. You want to choke a person that says, “Oh, you must have so much fun being around sports every day.”
59. Meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like this?”
60. You can’t sleep at home because your bed just isn’t as comfortable as those bus seats.
61. You think midnight is a reasonable time for chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and iced tea.
62. You get pissed off at the sportscasters when they say…”I think he strained his ankle”…no dumbass…it’s sprained. …
63. When someone, anyone, parent, loved one, news anchor, calls you a ‘trainer’. That’s like, fightin’ words.


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